The Law and the Politician

"The Law will take its own course," announced the politician pompously.

"And, you will take your own, won't you Sir?" His adviser asked anxiously.

"I have all courses ready," the politician grinned, "three years, five years, 12 years and ad infinitum. I particularly like ad infinitum.

His adviser smiled reassured. "I was worried for a moment, Sir. I'm very worried about the press."

"Huh! Fourth Estate! Some day, I will add them to my vast estates," the politician said with contempt.

"Why don't you do that, Sir? It would tell them! "

"The press are puppets and I'm the puppet master," the politician retorted contemptuously.

"All you have to do is buy majority stocks in newspapers and you can then easily become a slave master," the official said obsequiously.

""Driver," the politician interjected, "I did a driving course once."

"But, no traffic signals for you Sir, hah! Hah!

"None whatsoever! And, tell the traffic constables to pack up and go home."

"They will be happy to, Sir," the official said.

"Happy! Better still ask them to hop it," the politician said.

"They will hop at once, Sir. From left foot to the right foot or right foot to the left foot, Sir?" the official asked wishing to clarify the point.

"No, no, they're fired!"

"But Sir, they are not big guns," the official pleaded alarmed.

"If you can't fire them, then bamboozle them," the politician said rubbing his fat hands.

"We're short on bamboo at present Sir. Entire forests have been made into batons, Sir."

"You don't have a single bamboo left? All are batons now?"

"It's a change for the better, Sir. The people have great need of batons," the advisor said.

"Up the bottom you mean! Ha! Ha!" the politician chuckled mirthfully.

"But you were saying, Sir...!"

"Tell the constables to pack up and be homeward bound, at once. No traffic lights and no constables!" the politician said dancing up and down in agitation.

"The traffic sergeants will have to do double shift then Sir," the official pointed out.

"Ask them to shift at once."

"But they can only shift gear, Sir, while chasing lorry drivers to grease their palms"

"That's alms, about which they have no qualms," the politician said.

"Almost like Alms and the Man, Sir!" the adviser said jocularly.

"No, no. It's like Much Ado Over Nothing," the politician said. "And, the law will always go downhill in its course, of course.

"No judicial activism you mean, Sir? The officials asked.

"Shush! The judges might hear you," the politician said waggling his ears in warning.

"You mean they read Shakespeare and Bernard Shaw?" The official asked wonderingly.

"Don't you know about their huge libraries? All of them have it."

"Not like pubic  ... Ah! Pardon me, Sir, Its public libraries I meant, Sir," the official hastily corrected himself.

"You don't keep pornography in the archives or in public lavatories do you?" asked the politician suspiciously.

"No, Sir not in public libraries either, only at home," the official said.

"You mean all my constituents are asked for votes in lieu of pornography?" asked the politician incredulously.

"You need good slogans."

"Pornography for all, you mean?" asked the politician incredulously.

"It's of the people, by the people and for the people," the official replied eagerly.

"And, you are quoting Abraham Lincoln! Don't mix him up in your dirty mind."

"I dry wash my mind daily," the official replied, "and also wash behind the ears."

"And, the pornography too? asked the politician.

"That won't wash, Sir. It's two raw for detergents."

"Do you do the washing yourself or you entrust the missus?" asked the politician sceptically.

"Not I Sir, the maid does it."

"You mean you and the maid read pornography together?"

The official looked worried. "Don't tell the wife," he pleaded.

"Oh, so you have a literate maid?"

"She did her post graduation in law," the adviser replied miserably.

"Is she also your in-law?" asked the politician surprised.

"No Sir, just common law," the official quavered.

"Then the law will take its own course, I will personally see to it," the politician barked with a swift, dismissive kick to his adviser's ample posterior.