There was a time when I waited for Sunday. After a week of work, and I worked hard, a day of rest was very welcome. I loved to sleep. I am not an atheist, and I go to church maybe once a year for midnight mass on Christmas eve. So I'm not a churchgoer basically. Therefore Sundays did not mean that I was seated in the pews in church listening to the pastor's sermon. The pastor, in fact, would not recognise me until my sister, who goes more often to church, introduced me as her brother after Christmas Eve mass. I also had a problem sleeping and would lie awake at nights trying desperately trying to fall asleep. I tried counting sheep and it never worked. I also tried those sleeping videos on YouTube. I listened \ and felt bored. They were not music I was familiar with and they kept my eyelids firmly apart. Even a safe tranquillizer that my doctor prescribed did not have any effect. The only thing to do then was to switch on
"I think I have fallen in love," the cat said rubbing his head against my leg.
"Who is it this time?" I questioned.
"What do you mean this time?" he asked making his perfectly round eyes, rounder.
"There were so many other times," I reminded him.
"Mere passing fads," he said nonchalantly.
"How many females did you go around with in your earlier lives," I asked.
He began to count on his paws and then stopped. "I've just had three lives so far and I lost count."
"You must be one hell of a Romeo!" I exclaimed.
"There is no dearth of Juliets," he remarked twirling his whiskers.
"Don't do that," I said irritably.
"Big game hunters always do it," he said.
"All you hunt are mice and then let them go," I said disgustedly.
"I have lost my appetite for mice after I turned gourmand," he remarked.
"Where does this female live?" I enquired.
"Why do you want to know?" he asked suspiciously.
"Oh! I wouldn't steal your girlfriend!"
"I put nothing past you," he said with a twitch of his furry tail.
"You can bring her here and have her share your lunch and dinner," I suggested.
"Certainly not!" he exclaimed, "I'm not sharing food with anybody!"
"But you will have to provide for her when you set up home," I pointed out.
"She can chew on your socks," the cat said nonchalantly.
"You will not give her my socks, not even the old ones," I said emphatically.
"When I bring her home, she can sleep under your bed, I'm not giving up mine!" he said.
"How will that look?" I asked.
"Are you afraid of scandal?" he questioned giving me a beady look.
I laughed. "What would I have to be afraid of?"
"She is a hot female," the cat said lowering his voice, "and she will be sleeping below your bed!"
"Have you been smooching her?" I asked.
He looked a bit bashful. "How did you know?"
"I'm a man of the world and I know a thing or two," I said airily.
"How many felines did you have?" the cat asked.
"What does it have to do with your case?" I asked not liking this.
"I thought we were two of a kind," the cat said.
"I don't prowl about at night," I replied.
"But you sleep walk sometimes! Who knows where you go!"
"I go to the doctor when I wake up," I said stiffly.
"Why? Are you having kittens?" he smirked.
"The human male is incapable of bringing anyone into this world," I said.
"Your female of the species is unable to give birth to quintuplets and sextuplets in quick succession," he said smugly, "while ours can!"
"Baby food manufacturers would love it if it became a trend among humans. Nevertheless, where is this female that you are swooning over? I asked.
"Get a new bed," the cat said.
"Why what has the present one done?" I asked, "It's a perfectly good one."
"You can't have old furniture in a new home where a new female will be coming," he said.
"Oh!" I gulped.
"Get rid of the old furniture and get new ones and a cradle for the new arrivals," he said.
"So much money," I raved.
"Instead of investing in stocks and bonds, you can invest in a few kittens. In less time than you think you will have even more kittens."
"I think I will keep a puppy then," I said cleverly.
"It won't be worth it," the cat said smugly.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the vet will ask you to put it to sleep," the cat replied.
"Why should he do that?"
"There will be no option after I and my girlfriend deal with him," he said hissing.
"All right, no puppy then," I conceded hastily.
"Just my girlfriend under your bed and you can feed her too," he said making his point.
"I don't want females cat-napping below my bed," I said putting my foot down.
"There is no place on the bed because I sleep with you," he said, "Three will be a crowd! Totally unmanageable, you will have to call the riot police."
"Pussy Riot!" I exclaimed, "Never heard them though."
"You will, if you try a threesome," the cat said showing me his sharp front teeth.
"I'm a gentleman," I said indignantly.
"She will sleep under your bed as there is not enough space elsewhere, but you are not to come within a mile of her," the cat said making himself clear.
"Why?"
"I don't trust you," he said simply.
"But you trust me?" I asked the cat.
"That I do. Our friendship goes back years," he readily admitted.
"But you won't trust me with your girlfriend?" I asked.
"Will you?" he asked candidly.
"I don't have one you know," I said kindly.
"Think hypothetically. If you had a girlfriend would you trust her with me?" the cat asked.
"Definitely," I said.
"She might become a sour puss before you know it," the cat snapped.
"That would be because of your girlfriend then," I told the cat.
"Yes, she is a bit hard to get," the cat admitted.
"And, you fell hard?" I asked.
"Bruised my pink nose," he said regretfully.
"Why didn't you tell me? Your nose must be throbbing in pain?"
"No, that's what my heart is doing," the cat confessed.
"You want to make your heart race?" I asked.
"Yes," he said his round eyes opening wide.
"Then do the dishes, mop the floor and chop the vegetables before you go to meet your female," I bawled.
"But I won't cook," he said defiantly and left to do the chores in alphabetical order.
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